LA has seen a spate of robberies lately that have targeted celebrity homes. Among them is Marlon Wayans, comedian, actor, proud father, whose home was broken into and ransacked a couple weekends ago while his older brother was there. But according to Marlon, in his case the joke’s on the robbers because, “I don’t have anything valuable.” That’s what he said in a recent Instagram video where he thanked everyone who had reached out to see if he was OK, and then elaborated (using strong language, fair warning) on just how bad a candidate he was for a burglary. Or as Marlon put it: “I don’t own sh-t.”
“I want you to know that they didn’t get much because I don’t own sh-t,” he said in the minute-long video. “The most valuable thing in my house is my house. So, unless you’re gonna put that sh-t on a truck and drag it away, then, yeah, man, you did well, but I don’t own sh-t. I don’t wear jewelry. This [ring] is fake. … It’s a heart rate monitor.”
He continued, “I’m not flashy. No jewelry. No necklaces. I don’t have cash. I use credit cards.”
In the caption of the post, the GOAT star echoed the sentiment he said in the video, noting that he lives a simple life with two cats [sic] and a 1994 Range Rover that would need to be jumpstarted to steal because its battery is dead. He directly addressed future robbers, writing that they’re wasting their energy and life doing home invasions because “sh-t is too heavy.”
“I repeat: I don’t own sh-t valuable,” he concluded. “Please pick a better 🎯 thank you and love you… still.”
News that Wayans’ house had been robbed surfaced on Thursday when TMZ reported that cops confirmed it was the latest target of burglaries in the area. The Air actor was reportedly not home at the time, but his older brother Keenen Ivory Wayans was. He allegedly woke up after hearing some noise but didn’t realize what was happening and went back to sleep.
According to TMZ, the police said one of Wayans’ staffers returned to the house at 8 a.m. the following morning and found the place had been ransacked. The thieves reportedly took a safe and thousands of dollars in cash. While the police have launched an investigation, they have yet to make any arrests.
Wayans joins a growing list of L.A. celebrities whose homes have been robbed lately, reportedly including Squid Game star Lee Byung-hun, NBA star Paul Pierce, former Clippers player Patrick Patterson and Kyle Richards’ daughter Farrah.
Oh man, I feel for Keenen Ivory Wayans. Don’t knock him for dozing through the robbery! (Or to be more precise, for waking up briefly, only to decide that nothing was amiss and he could return to slumber.) Sleep is very important! If only we could all sleep so soundly, maybe we’d be less stressed out in the waking hours. As for Marlon’s take on the situation, it’s certainly different and I applaud him for that! I’m just a little confused by a few discrepancies between what he says and what the police are saying (at least according to TMZ). The police say a safe full of cash was stolen, yet Marlon completely contradicts that in his statement. Is he just trying to minimize the robbers’ efforts? Is “thousands of dollars in cash” just a drop in the bucket for him? Was he unaware that the safe with cash was in his house? I don’t mean to be nosey, Marlon, (ok fine, I do), but these are questions the police are likely to ask!
Photos credit: Xavier Collin / Image Press Agency / Avalon, Getty and via Instagram
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